ne of my favorite birthday presents was a bottle of water. It wasn't just for the water, though, but for the thought behind it. Grace begins with a thought, and that's where Paul began his letter to the Ephesians. It was a thought caused him to write the letter at all, a thought that is still having an impact to this day.

A Bottle Of Grace - Full Text Version

by Eric Elder

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I’d like to talk to you today about the power of graciousness--about the power of being kind and gracious to others.

The Grace of an American Idol

Did you happen to watch American Idol this week? Even if you didn’t, you may still have heard about the final three contestants: Kris, Adam, and Danny. All three have great voices, and two of them, Kris Allen and Danny Gokey, are even worship leaders back at their home churches.

There are a lot of things I could say to compliment each one of them, but this morning I’d like to mention just one thing about the runner-up, Adam Lambert. Besides having an outstanding voice, there’s another thing that stood out to me about Adam: that’s his consistent graciousness.

When complimented by the judges for an amazing performance, Adam would readily offer his thanks to those in the band who helped make it possible. When asked by Ryan Seacrest how Adam would be adding his own spin to a famous song, Adam would compliment the person who wrote the song, saying that it was so well-written that there was little he could add to make it better.

It seems that almost every time a compliment came his way, Adam steered the praise towards those around him. Even this Thursday, after he lost the title to another outstanding singer, Kris Allen, Adam was asked his thoughts in an online chat. Here’s the first text message that came in during the chat. Someone asked: “You seem like such a gracious person, how upset were you that you didn’t get the American Idol title?”

Adam texted back: “I was not upset at all. I was really happy to be performing on the finale and happy for Kris, because he is my friend. I feel like being a finalist was winning.”

While not many of us will ever be able to sing like Adam Lambert, we can all take a lesson from him in this other facet of his life that has helped to make him so incredibly successful: his consistent graciousness.

How can grace help you? When your thoughts, words and actions are filled with grace, people are naturally drawn towards you. They’re more likely to listen to what you have to say, to do what you ask them to do, and to become all that God wants them to become. But God wants you to be more grace-filled, not just because it will enhance your life, but because it will enhance the lives of those around you as well.

I know for me, for me, I’d like to be more consistently gracious, but I’m not there yet.

Sometimes I’m just too self-focused. Sometimes I’m just too critical of others, forgetting how much grace God has already showered upon me. Sometimes I’m just not thinking, and ungraciousness slips out by mistake. Whatever the reason, I know that I have lots of room to grow.

The Grace-Filled Book of Ephesians

So what I’ve decided to do is to take a closer look at the book of Ephesians to help me out because it’s one of the most grace-filled books in the whole Bible. I’m going to be sharing more about grace on my website on the Internet in the coming weeks, and you can sign up for those updates by going to my website at www.theranch.org. But for today, I’d like to share just a few of the highlights I’ve learned so far about how to be more gracious.

It starts with the opening words of the book of Ephesians. Paul starts his letter by telling the believers in the city of Ephesus that he wants them to have God’s grace and peace in their lives:

“Grace and peace to you,” he says, “from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 1:2b)

This is where our study of grace starts: Grace begins with a thought.

One of the most gracious things the Apostle Paul did was to take some time to think about the Ephesians at all, to write a letter to let them know he was thinking of them. That may not have been as easy as it sounds.

Here he was, bound in chains as a prisoner in Rome. But rather than focusing on himself and his problems, he took the time to send a letter to others who needed encouragement in their faith.

I can imagine Paul could have been consumed by his own problems as a prisoner. He could have easily thought only of himself and sent out letters to his friends that said, “Woe is me! Help me! I’m hungry. I’m cold. I’m sick. I’m tired. All is lost!” He could have responded just like most of us could have responded.

But he didn’t. He spent his time as a prisoner thinking of others. Thinking about how he could be a blessing to them. Taking time to think and write and pray for those who needed encouragement in their faith. The only time he asks for prayer for himself is at the end of the letter, where he says:

“Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should” (Ephesians 6:19-20).

The only thing he asks for is for the boldness to keep preaching about Christ, which was the very thing that landed him in jail in the first place! Now that’s grace! And it all began when he took the time to think about someone else.

That one act of kindness has impacted the lives of believers throughout the centuries who have read his letter to the Ephesians and been blessed by it, even right up to today when we’re as we’re reading it again, almost 2,000 years later! There’s power in a thought, and even more power when that thought is gracious.

The Power of Kindness

A British hymn-writer named Frederick W. Faber wrote this back in the 1800’s:

“Kindness has converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence, or learning.”

And an act of kindness begins with a thought. Frederick Faber went on to say:

“Kind thoughts are rarer than either kind words or deeds. They imply a great deal of thinking about others. This in itself is rare. But they also imply a great deal of thinking about others without the thoughts being criticisms. This is rarer still.”

God wants us to spend time thinking about others, but not just fretting about them, or thinking critical thoughts about them, but thinking about how we can be the best blessing we can be to them. One of the best things you can do for someone is to take some time to let your thoughts roam through different ways you could possibly express grace to them.

A Bottle of Grace

One of my favorite birthday presents was a bottle of water. What I loved so much about this present wasn’t just the water itself, but the thought behind it.

It started years earlier when I was on a business trip to New York. During a meeting, someone at the table asked if I’d like anything to drink. I didn’t want to be a bother, and I didn’t want them to have to spend anything on me, so I just said, “Sure, I’ll take some water.”

But a few minutes later, this man came back with a cold bottle of the most incredible water I had ever tasted in my life. I had no idea water could taste so good. It turned out to be a bottle of Evian mineral water, imported from the mountains of France.

When I came back from that trip, I went to the store to see if I could get some more bottles of that water. I went into sticker shock at the price. I decided I didn’t need to relive that experience badly enough to pay that much. But I must have mentioned it to my family, because when my birthday came around, my oldest son, who was still pretty young at the time, went out and bought me a few bottles of Evian water.

I asked my wife if she told him to get it for me, but she didn’t. He just thought of it himself. I was touched.

It wasn’t like I talked or dreamed about this water all the time. But here my son had made a mental note of something that was special to me, and when a special occasion arose, he went out and got it for me. It wasn’t an expensive gift as far as gifts go--even though it was expensive as far as water goes! But what made it so special was the the thought that went into it.

You may think that it’s too hard to be gracious, or it’s too expensive. You may be thinking of things you’d like to do for people, but you don’t feel like you have the money, or access to the right resources, to do it. But the truth is, grace doesn’t have to be expensive. (In fact, I’ve heard that the word “Evian” spelled backwards is “Naive,” but it still tastes great!) Sometimes grace doesn’t even have to cost anything! Often, the only thing it takes to be gracious is to listen to others. To listen to what’s important to them. To listen to what they value. Then to see if you can help.

Maybe what they need most is a hug. Maybe it’s a card, a letter, an email, or a text message--anything to let them know you’re thinking about them. It may be as simple as giving them a bottle of cold water, or a Diet Coke, or a pack of gummy worms from the check-out line at Wal-Mart.

The next time you want to give a gift to your spouse, instead of going to the store and just seeing what’s there, take some time to think about what would really bless them. Maybe it’s not at a store at all. Maybe it’s just offering to rub their feet, give them a back massage, bring them a drink, make the bed, do the dishes. You don’t even have to wait for a special day to do these things, just try doing them and see how, over time, they impact your lives and relationships.

I’m amazed at the number of people who write back to me on the Internet after I’ve sent them a prayer or a note in response to their prayer request. They’ll tell me that they printed out the prayer and pinned it up on the wall of their cubicle, reading it over and over each day to help them get through the day, so thankful that someone prayed for them and took the time to write.

Aesop’s Fable

Now some people think that being kind and gracious is a sign of weakness, but just the opposite is true. The measure of graciousness in your life is the true measure of your strength.

You may remember Aesop’s Fable about the contest between the sun and the wind.

The sun and the wind decided to have a contest one day to see which of them was the strongest. When they saw a man walking down the street wearing a warm winter coat, they agreed that whoever could get the man’s coat off would truly be the strongest.

The wind thought this would be a piece of cake, so he began to blow with all his might. But the harder he blew, the tighter the man held onto his coat. Eventually, the wind gave up, and the sun took a turn.

The sun came out from behind a cloud and began to shine brighter and brighter. As the man got hotter and hotter, he finally took off the coat of his own accord. The wind had to agree that the sun was indeed stronger.

While there are times when a strong word is needed to correct someone who’s on the wrong path, it is oftentimes the warmth of kindness that has the stronger effect on them.

When you find yourself always yelling at your kids because they keep running into the wrong people’s arms for affection, maybe it’s time to stop yelling. Maybe it’s time to try opening your own arms to them instead. Give them a hug. Hold them tight, even if they act like they rather you didn’t! The warmth of your grace may give them just what they really need, and bring about the result you’ve been trying to achieve all along.

The Woman Caught In Adultery

This isn’t to say that being gracious is always simple or easy or inexpensive. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of work to be gracious, and sometimes it takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice. But that’s what makes grace so, well, graceful. And that’s exactly what Jesus has done for each of us when He sacrificed His life for us. He did for us the same thing that He did for the woman caught in adultery.

Take a look at the story with me as it appears in John chapter 8, starting at verse 2:

“At dawn He [Jesus] appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around Him, and He sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing Him.

“But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, He straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.

"At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’

“ ‘No one, sir,’ she said.

“ ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’ ” (John 8:2-11).

Jesus could have let the people stone her. That was certainly what the law said to do. But grace urged Him to do something different. Rather than giving her what she deserved, He knew that very soon He would be paying the price she deserved in her place. So He reminded those who wanted to stone her of their own sinfulness. It caused them to drop their stones, starting with the oldest ones first. (Perhaps because the older they got, the more aware of their sinfulness they became...or perhaps it’s because they had more time to rack up more sins!)

There are times when you may be tempted to pick up some stones and fire them at those who you think deserve it. You may feel justified in what you’re doing, and you may in fact be justified. What they’ve done may have been truly horrendous and truly damaging to you, themselves and to others.

But I want to encourage you today, for your sake and for theirs: Drop your stones. Pick up a bottle of grace instead, and hand it to them. Give them a drink of the Living Water that has been poured out to you in the form of the Spirit of Christ. Let them drink and drink and drink as much as they need. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when you should speak the truth, but it should always be done with love and grace, remembering how gracious God has been to you.

Maybe someone at work has offended you, and you’ve already got your hands loaded with stones. Maybe your kids have broken the rules for the umpteenth time and you’ve had it. Your fists are clenched and you’re ready to go at them with full force. Maybe your spouse just doesn’t get it and you’re ready to let them have it with a barrage of unkind words.

Let me encourage you: Drop your stones. Unclench your fists. Open you hands again and this time pick up a bottle of grace. Think of something you could do to be a blessing in their life, whether it’s to give them a hug, or pay them a true compliment on something they’re doing right, or to literally give them a cup of cold water. Jesus promises that when you do, you will certainly not lose your reward.

A Cup of Cold Water

Here’s what Jesus said, as recorded in Matthew 10:42:

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is My disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward” (Matthew 10:42).

A Harley Thief

You might say, but what about justice? What about just walking away without a word? Why do we have to go overboard and extend grace?

I’ve heard the difference between justice, mercy and grace described like this.

Imagine a man who caught someone else in his garage one night trying to steal his brand new Harley-Davidson.

If the owner of the Harley grabbed a gun and shot the thief, or escorted him to jail, that would be justice. The thief was stealing his stuff, and stealing is wrong, so justice requires some kind of penalty.

But if the owner said, “I’m just going to let you go and walk out of here now. Even though what you’ve done is wrong, I’m not going to touch you, just go,” that would be mercy.

But if the owner turned around, went back into the house and got the keys to the Harley, came back and handed them to the thief, signed over the title to him, and handed him $100 to for gas, that would be grace. And that’s what God has done for us through Christ. Romans 5:8 says:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

That’s the kind of lavish grace that God offers to each one of us. And that’s the same kind of lavish grace that He wants us to offer to others.

As I was thinking of this story, I was reminded of a time I was trying to share about Christ with a man who worked at the watch counter in a fancy department store in Houston. I could tell from his comments that his lifestyle wouldn’t be pleasing to the Lord, and I tried to share some of God’s grace with him with my words.

When I went home that night, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to try another approach to get through to him. But what could I do? I felt God speaking to me, to think about what was really important to this man right now in his life. I felt what was most important to him right now wasn't words, but money. And I felt like God wanted me to give him a $100.

Now I didn’t have $100 to spare. But the thought wouldn’t leave me, so I went back to the store the next day, told him that I had been praying for him, and that I felt God wanted him to have a $100, so I gave it to him.

It was hard to do, and it felt awkward for a moment, but I could tell in his eyes that he was thinking, “Really, for me? God wanted you to do this for me?” I didn’t have anything else to say, so I walked away, and prayed that God would continue to bless him. I don’t know what ever happened to him, but I prayed that God would have spoken to him through that act of grace, even more than the words that didn’t seem to be getting through.

Don't Jump!

It’s hard to be gracious sometimes, and harder still when it’s costly.

But sometimes it’s the hardest of all to extend grace to those who are close to us, even when we have no problem at all extending it to people we don’t even know.

I heard a great story by a comedian named Emo Phillips that goes something like this:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?”

He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?”

He said, “Baptist!”

I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

He said, "Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and I pushed him off.

That joke was voted the best religious joke of all time a few years ago, probably because it unfortunately hits so close to home. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this, in churches, in marriages, in friendships, where people who are otherwise extremely close to each other in their thoughts and beliefs let something that is comparatively minor cause sharp disagreement.

The Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Galatians:

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:10).

God wants us to be kind, and to do good to all people, but He wants us to be especially kind to our fellow believers, even those who may not live out their faith the same way we do.

My piano teacher in Dallas was the daughter of a man who started the largest church in India. She told me about a missionary who went to India and went on to build a build up a huge work for the Lord. She said that one of the secrets of his success was that he never, ever spoke a negative word against any other work in that country that people were doing in the name of Christ, even if he disagreed with their doctrine or approach. As a result, he was able to build bridges with many people, and together they were able to build the kingdom of God.

While it’s tempting to sometimes want to speak against others who are working in a different way the name of the Lord, to push them off the bridge when you disagree with their doctrine or approach, I want to encourage you, don’t do it! Don’t let it get the best of you. And don’t let it impede the work that God is wanting to do through them. Drop your stones, and pick up a bottle of grace.

Do Not Stop Them

Jesus told His disciples something similar one day when they asked Him what to do. The Apostle John said:

“Teacher, we saw a man driving out demons in Your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.”

“Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “No one who does a miracle in My name can in the next moment say anything bad about Me, for whoever is not against us is for us.” (Mark 9:39-40).

It’s like letting the weeds grow in a field of wheat. Jesus said to let them both grow together, and let God sort it out at the end. Otherwise, we risk pulling out the wheat along with the weeds, damaging the good work that God is doing at the same time. (See Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43).

Don’t let others bring you down. Drop your stones, and pick up a bottle of Evian and give that to them instead!

The Chief Of All Sinners

As we near the end of this study for today, I’d like to talk about one of the best ways to grow in graciousness towards others, and that’s to ask God to help you see how gracious He’s been to you. It seems to me that some of the most gracious people in the world are those who realize the depths of their own sinfulness.

The Apostle Paul was one of these people.

The author J.I. Packer says that in 1 Corinthians (c. 54 AD), Paul calls himself “the least of the apostles” (I Corinthians 15:9). In Ephesians, written about 6 years later (c. 61 AD), Paul calls himself “the least of all the saints” (Ephesians 3:8, NKJV). In 1 Timothy, written about 4 years after that (c. 65 AD), Paul describes himself as the “chief of all sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15).

As Paul grew more and more in His relationship with God, he seemed to realize more and more the depths of his own sinfulness, going from describing himself as the least of the apostles, to the least of all the believers, to being the chief of all sinners. No wonder his books in the Bible are so filled with grace.

Prayer

When you’re tempted to be ungracious, trying to use force to get your way, remember the story of the sun and the wind. Let the warmth of your grace bring the victory instead.

When you’re tempted to yell at someone and tell them what you really feel, remember the American Idols who made it to the top, who responded with grace even when the judges told them their singing was about as satisfying as eating ice for lunch.

When you’re tempted to rake someone over the coals for their sinfulness, remember the woman caught in adultery, and remember your own sins. Remember how far down God had to reach to save you, and extend that same grace to others.

And when you’re tempted to stone someone who’s the close to you, to push them off the bridge, don’t do it. Drop your stones. Reach down and pick up a bottle of grace instead. Give them a cup of cold water in the name of Jesus Christ, and certainly you will not lose your reward.

Let’s pray...

Father, thank You for the grace that You’ve showered on each one of us. Thank You for sending Christ to die for us, even while we were still in the midst of our sins. Lord, help us to receive your grace today, and help us to extend that grace to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

To read more from this series, "Ephesians: Lessons In Grace," click here.